Written by: Michelle Nicole


  

Before you Self Destruct is a compilation of short stories that allow people to put down their mirror and see life through someone else's eyes.  No one is perfect. We have all fallen short in one area or another.

The bottom line is he who is without sin, cast the first stone. John 8:7

Stories will be added to this page on a regular basis so be sure to check back often

 

Heavy Load

A woman sat front row, wearing a long black dress, black hat with a veil covering her face.  To look at her you would think she was in mourning; at a funeral and about to say goodbye to a loved one. In fact, with her reputation, no one could believe that she was in church, let alone sitting in the first pew. Throughout the service she sat as still as a mouse playing dead in the presence of a vicious cat. Not one word came from her mouth. No emotions. No signs of life. This woman was indeed a dead soul.

It would appear that she fought for so long that she had finally thrown in the towel. Little did the congregation know no matter what tomorrow held; today this mourner was going to tell her story. She planned on burying that black dress along with the self-destructive past she had lived for the last 20 years.

Today she would pray. Today she would believe. Today she would be set free.

 Michelle Nicole 9/20/13

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Love unconditional, under one condition, don't fall in love

Susan Bellamy was the woman all other women wanted to be. The woman all men wanted to have. A woman that was never more alone in this world. Day in and day out Susan would rise with the sun. She would begin each morning with a prayer and praise. Thanking God for the many blessings he had bestowed upon her life. And for the many blessing still to come. But, on this particular morning, her prayer was the same but her heart was different.

Susan began, as always, saying, "Lord, thank you for watching over me last night. Thank you for waking me up this morning. Lord, if you never do another thing for me, you have already done enough. Father I pray your will be done in my life. Amen". Susan, a woman that never asked for much, but gave that much more, somehow continued to find herself in bad situations that would only turn to worst. She so desperately wanted to be loved, but she did not know where to begin to receive such love. So, she poured all her energy into God and left the real world behind.

In her own world, she never realized how many people watched her every move. She lived a life pleasing to God but one important factor was missing. Love. Sure, she loved everyone she came in contact with, and she would tell them that, being sure to mention loving them was the Godly thing to do. But, in her personal life, love could not be any further away. Susan went out alone. She barley had friends. And she did not trust anyone. She was totally cut off from the human race. She found it difficult to relate to people in stable relationships. And, she found it difficult to relate to those in rocky relationships. Susan's relationships were with God and He alone.

Her happiness could have been right in front of her, but she was too blind, more like too stubborn, to see it. So many times God had placed people  in Susan's' circle to teach her the purpose of unconditional love, but Susan's love was always conditional.  She operated under the condition of love being wrong. Love causing pain. Love bringing weakness. She could and would never love unconditionally.

As Susan went through life avoiding love and believing she was doing the right things all these years, in a split second, she had to painfully realize that love was no longer needed. Susan dies, caught in a crossfire of a good deal gone wrong. People from all over flocked to her memorial service. Many having good things to say. Sharing how Susan was a pillar in the community. How she so freely gave of her time and talents to help build the Kingdom of God. How she attended every Church function from New York City to Alabama. How she cooked so well. But not one person in attendance could speak and share one single personal story about Susan. No one had every gotten to know the real Susan. The Susan behind closed doors. The Susan without a bible. The Susan that let her hair down, cried, got sick, experienced heartache.

Her tomb would read," Here lies a woman that would give anything to anyone. But never gave LOVE".

 Michelle Nicole 2/16/14

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                                                                                                            Free Will

Every man, woman, boy and girl is given the gift of free will. What they choose to do with it, is totally up to the individual. One person should not expect another person to make the same decisions, live the same way, act the same way, like the same things, or believe in the same manner. There are various walks of life for each of us. Every person must pick up their own cross at one point or another in their life. When you hear God speaking to your spirit, it is your duty to stop what you're doing, pick up your cross, and follow after Him. Your deliverance is received through your obedience.

When I wake up most mornings my first reaction is to thank God for allowing me to see another day. My short coming is that it's most, and not all  mornings. Throughout the day, I am able to thank Him for His grace and mercy. But, my first line of communication, my way of getting the enemy off my back,  is by acknowledging God first. Do not acknowledge that pain in your body. Do not acknowledge that person you woke up next to that you probably don't even know. Do not acknowledge the fact that you have a hectic day before you.  When you put those things as first in your mind, your whole day will be off. You are the conductor of your emotions and when you rise in the morning, exercise your free will to express your gratitude to God. A simple thank you goes a long way and it will surely help navigate the difficulties you may face throughout the day.

Choices  - Everyone has a choice to make. You can choose to eat breakfast, what you wear, how to style your hair, how to speak to people, and how you will praise God. If you choose not to eat breakfast, chances are you will be distracted by hunger at some point throughout your morning. If you choose to wear the wrong shoes you will be in agony and this will affect your mood. If your outward appearance is not up to standards you may begin to feel down, and if you minimize your praise you will lack the strength you need to be productive.  Overall, all these choices can make or break you depending on which end of the spectrum you fall.  Turning a negative situation into a positive reflection can be the difference between a good or bad outcome which is purely based on your decision.

Accountability - "So then everyone of us shall give an account of himself to God." Romans 14:12. Everyone is accountable for their own actions. Unlike an infant, when we become of age, we know right from wrong. We clearly understand actions and consequences. Poor actions lead to undesirable consequences. If you steal and get caught it is likely that you will be charged of a crime. If you lie you will eventually get caught and likelihood of being trusted will diminish.  If you disobey certain rules, you will be disciplined. The same goes for Gods accountability in our lives. When we fall short, he expects us to ask for forgiveness, repent, and accept responsibility. God does not expect us to point the finger, give excuses, or use him as a personal bell boy. He will not snap his fingers, wave a magic wand and make your wrong doings go away. In fact, he will do the opposite. The bible says in Mark 4:22-23 "For there is nothing hid, which shall not be manifested; neither was any thing kept secret, but that it should come abroad. If any man have ears to hear, let him hear". We are all held accountable for our actions. What are you being held accountable for at this very moment?

God made me who I am! This in itself is a true statement. We were all fearfully and wonderfully made but do not confuse your selfish way of thinking with Gods selfless means of creating you. Goad made you who He wanted you to be and if you choose to recreate yourself and that creation is outside of the natural will He has created in you, then you have forfeited the right to say "God made me this way". God made me a woman. Beautiful in all my ways. Virtuous. God created me to love and to be loved. When I reached a point in my life where I could no longer find love in the world, I did the only logical thing I could do. I sought love in Jesus Christ. In the world, I loved money, possessions, people, titles and most of all sin. I was seeking approval from the world to validate my God given gifts. I was a woman but beauty was vain. I sought people that I felt could make me happy. I did things to make me happy. I obtained material gain to make me happy. I indulged in sin to make me happy. After years and years of what appeared to be true happiness, I began to feel a void in my life. No longer did I love money as much as I use to. I did not shop as often as I use to. I stopped using people and things to make me happy. I took a long look in the mirror and made the choice to give my life to Christ. Completely. Not half way. No more was I in the church and in the world. Mark 8:36 "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?  I am not willing to take that chance. Are you?

 Michelle Nicole 11/2/13

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I Sing Because I’m Happy

 

Joshua came to work with nothing but good thoughts in mind. Nothing or no one could stop his shine. He was on his way to a promotion, with no worries in sight. Today is a good day. He thought to himself. Nothing or no one will come in the way of my blessings. Little did Joshua know, the devil in a white dress was waiting for him at the door.

Joshua got to his office, smiling and singing, and all that was placed on hold when he saw her. She, being Ms. Bigalow, the one woman in the whole office that no one wanted to be around.  Somehow, no matter how hard she tried, this woman never seemed to intimidate Joshua. But for some reason, today, she did.  He walked in, business as usual and was met with pure venomous fire.

“Joshua, I asked you to have the Jenkins report on my desk before I got in this morning. You walk in here smiling and singing and yet I don’t see a report on my desk”. Joshua stood there in amazement at how this woman didn’t even say good morning, but instead she started spitting demands at him. He never lost his cool. He continued to listen to her ramble on and on and all he could think was, God have mercy on her soul.  Before Ms. Bigalow could finish her last insult Joshua quickly reached into his brief case, pulled out the Jenkins report and gently reached out his hand in a polite gesture for her to take the paperwork. Her face now red from embarrassment, she drops her head, snatches the papers and snarled at him. Never apologizing, she walked away, heading back to her devils den.

People in the office look at Joshua and say, “Man, how do you manage to deal with her and not choke the life out of her”? Joshua smiled and he simply replied, “God’s got it”! “If I continue to hold my peace and let the Lord fight my battles, victory will be mine”. Another coworker chimed in, “Joshua, I get all that Jesus stuff, but if I were you, I would have slapped the taste out of her mouth if she spoke to me like that”. Joshua looked at his coworker with disappointment and stated, “If that’s how you would respond, then you really don’t understand this Jesus stuff. Maybe one day you should come to church with me. There are better ways to fight the devil, but you first have to be trained so you’re prepared to combat evil with good. Kill them with kindness I always say”.

The coworkers nodded and smiled. “Yeah, maybe one day we will join you at church. There has to be something amazing about that place if you can keep calm with a witch like that. Man, if it were me… Clearly I need all the help I can get”.  Joshua laughed and said, “Everything in moderation. You will be just fine. Just keep your head up and your energy positive. Everything will work out in the end”.    

 Michelle Nicole 9/21/14

 

             

 

 

 

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